Brussels Barbarians Rugby Football Club

8.15AM, what the hell were we doing awake and assembled at 8.15AM on a Saturday?  There are only two things that will get me out of bed at such an ungodly hour on the weekend and since I wasn't vomiting it could only be RUGBY!!

Not just rugby this time but the Flemish Open Beach Rugby Tournament in Oostende.  With the help of unrivalled organisation and planning on the recently elected co-captain of the Brussels Barbarians Ladies side Rachel Smit (Thanks Smitty!!), the Barbars were able to jam both a men and women's side into cars (Thanks drivers!!) and get our white pasty asses up to Oostende a lovely patch of Belgium's 67 miles of coastline (of which they are very proud).  I should mention that not all Barbarian ass is white or pasty, mine certainly is.  (Beer/Sun)

After a nice ride up, talking drivel through the drizzle, we arrived in sunny Oostende, the gods were smiling (Dionysus, the god of wine and revelry was grinning particularly jovially onto Fadi who looked like he'd had quite a few already).  We registered the teams, Rachel was to be captain of the girl's side, and hilariously I was picked to lead the men into disaster. (Sun/beer)

We unbooted (strange feeling before a rugby match) and trudged onto the beach for our matches.  We would play 4 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday.  For those that have never played rugby on sand before, I'll tell you right now, it is hard effing work.  Thankfully the pitches are quite little (with only 5 players) and the games are only 10 minutes long.  Still, I don't think I'm the only one that felt a near pulmonary disaster coming on after the first quarter of a minute, "SUB GODAMNIT!"  Those breakfast beers weren't helping much. (SUN/SUN)

Throughout the day, the girls were a little short on numbers but thanks to Anna's new team Maasland, they had sufficient numbers so as not to collapse and die after the very first match, thank you!  The girls were scoring tries willy-nilly.  No one remembers who scored them all (Beer) but I'm sure I saw both Anna Blumen and Deirdre touch one down after monstrously long runs, Folland crashed through for one or two, and I remember seeing two smallish ladies bounce off Hannah as she barged one or two into the try zone.  Smitty scored a few as well plus her motivation really kept the girls moving.  Unfortunately, they couldn't keep moving on Sunday as they'd lost quite a few.  Anna was hit by a nasty stomach bug or sunstroke and was fully out of commission, Donna and Hannah had to skedaddle back to Brux as well, they were just too short.  They put in some excellent supporting and beer-drinking however.

My motivational speeches were lacklustre in comparison and usually consisted of "Shit, are we supposed to be playing right now, which pitch?" (Beer/Sun)  Despite this uninspiring captaincy we had a hell of time and the boys played their hearts out.  We had loads of new recruits for the BBRFC men's team, including Nick Crosby, who got off to a great start and will hopefully come and join us next year.  Nick who showed up in a British Lion's jersey and who knew a great pub to watch the match, unfortunately didn't get to see it.  In his second match for the Barbars he dislocated his shoulder and spent the afternoon with Sven and I in the hospital much to the dismay of his niggling wife!  All was not lost, we procured a plethora of latex gloves that would prove to be inflatiously enjoyable whilst completed tanked later that evening (Beer/Beer).

Other great men's team match-playing came from Philippe (a borrowed Celt who unfortunately groined himself on Sunday), Doré (a crazy-haired, black martial artist who tackle like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Ape on crack), Ladislas with his fearless ankle-grabbing tackles, ... 'Little' Jon (who is really built like a brick shithouse and didn't want to play that first game and then found himself practically begging to come and join our rugby team next year after his first match(Beer)), Kevin (never seen such skilful joint-rolling between matches) and Graeme, who turned up on the second day and honored us with his fabulous beach rugby tactics and some great play.

Despite all these combined super skills, we did not manage to win a match.  Even Hannah's expert coaxing skills wasn't enough to win us one.  However our last match went into overtime and was a real cracker drawing many a cheer out of the few surviving ladies.  Unfortunately the other team called the Midgets (alas they weren't really midgets at all) prevailed (Sun/Beer).

Other nice bits were the fantastic BBQ (Beer) at the campsite provided by Rachel (Thanks Smit!).  I've rarely consumed seared flesh in such quantities; Fadi's brother even explored some non-Halal poultry products if I'm not mistaken. Soon after it was off to a mega beach party back on the beach (Beer/Moon).  The tram ride over was mega itself however: fun with latex and a rather Smurf-like, choral, Belgian ladies team who's drinking songs included such numbers as Old McDonald Had a Farm EE Ey EE Eye Oh complete with hand motions and dances (Beer).  The Beach Party itself was very hazy but involved a lot of Beer.  It also involved some people with large sticks protruding out of there backs.  The ride home was equally enjoyable with a Vin Diesel-look-alike cab driver who was neither fast nor furious but quite kindly and didn't seem to mind me stopping to relieve myself on a store front or rubbing his bald head for good luck while he drove us home (Beer).

Unfortunately a few negative occurrences were inevitable (Sun/Beer).  In addition to Philippe's groin and Nick's shoulder, our very own leprechaun, Deirdre, got sent to hospital by the Red Cross after fracturing her finger, I somehow tore my cheek off of my gum and one of the other men's team opted for very small purple thongs which nearly ruined the weekend for all.

Obviously it did not in the end and everyone arrived home a little burnt (Sun) and a little hungover (Beer) but with a grin circumnavigating the skull.  Now it is back in offices, shaking with withdraw symptoms, resting our weary bones and cirrhotic livers until next year.......Hooray!